Guest Blog: Falling Down [Elliott Gore]

How are your goals going?

Are you making progress?

Or, better question, are you making the progress you want to be making?

I’ve not been, not the progress I want to be making. Do you ever have those days (or weeks) where you feel like you’ve fallen off the wagon? Those times where you know what you have to do, and you can even say that you want to do it, but for one reason or another you just can’t bring yourself to hit “don’t play next episode.”

What do we do in times like these? How should we deal with this inertia? It’s easy for people to come along, sit down, and talk about the value of just starting. “Just do it; don’t think, just do” seems to be a common mantra amongst the Instagram motivators, but if you’re anything like me there are times when that’s not enough. If you’re not like me, then by all means, have at it, but for those of us who want a little bit more I’ve got three things I’m thinking will help.

1. Recognise and acknowledge the progress you’ve made, and are making.

I find it so easy to forget the great things I accomplish. Maybe last weekend I did spend all my time eating junk food and watching Friends, but during the week last week I handed in a very difficult assignment, rewrote two scenes of my novel, went to the gym four times, and accomplished a number of other things on my goal list. Before we go anywhere at pushing ourselves forwards we need to acknowledge where we’ve come from and allow ourselves to celebrate the wins. And not just the big wins, either. I want you to see this, that every time you do something, no matter how tiny or insignificant it may seem to you, that is something to celebrate. It’s something to be proud of that you broke from the habits and norms of your life for even a moment, and did something towards creating a new life. Sometimes that celebration looks like powering into the next step of the goal, or pushing ahead onto a new level, but sometimes it looks like taking a day or two off, especially when taking time off is a neural pathway that is still in the process of being replaced. These things take time.

2. Allow yourself to rest.

Speaking of time off, it’s important that we find time and activities that allow ourselves to rest. It’s probably one of the things I struggle with the most is taking time off, especially from thinking about all the things I want to do and the places I want to end up in life. It’s tempting to push and push, always demanding more of my body, mind, and emotions, but I’m starting to wonder whether these habits I don’t want to have might be my subconscious trying to find the rest that I don’t consciously and intentionally allow it. My mind needs a break from the thought streams that run through it, and from the fantasies and daydreams I play over and over. My body needs time to rest and recuperate; healthy sleep habits are a great place to start with this. And my emotions need a break from the roller-coaster that my thoughts often take them on. I need to rest; to spend some time where I’m deliberately letting tension out of my thoughts, feelings, and body. And I’d wager that most human beings are the same. Remember we can always start again. We can always come back to a goal, or a project, and that a little time to rest and recuperate doesn’t mean giving up or failing. And speaking of which…

3. Keep pushing ahead, even one step at a time.

“Great, more things to put onto my to-do list; now I’ve got to learn how to celebrate and how to rest.” Exactly how I feel, and while I think it’s worthwhile spending some time at any point as we work towards our goals to learn how to recharge the batteries, it is also true that how we think affects how we act. So even as you keep in mind ideas on how to recharge, and pay attention for the wins big and small,keep in mind that the feeling of falling off the wagon is just that; a feeling. We’re breaking down habits that took decades to form. We’re dealing with emotions and hurts we’ve suppressed for just as long. And all the while we’re trying to push ourselves out of our comfort zone and build something amazing. It takes work, it takes struggle, and most of all it takes time. Sometimes it feels like a weekend, or a week, or even a month off from our goals is the end of all hope, but we can always pick things back up. A sentence written here. A mention of your business there. Whatever you’re working towards that you might feel like you’ve let yourself down on, know that you can start again, and start from where you left off. It’s said so often that it’s become cliche that the only way we truly fail is if we give up, but it’s true too. Keep going, try again, get back up, and always keep learning.

There’s a lot of cynicism around those high points in our lives when everything seems to be going well. We’re told often not to get too comfortable in the good; to always expect those high times to be temporary. Why, then, do we expect the low points to endure? This dance we’re doing in life, trying always to add to ourselves and our contributions, it isn’t always a smooth ride, but the bumps are just as temporary as the highs. Take me for example: I had a weekend where I felt I accomplished very little, and now here I am writing this post. I’m back, trundling along on the wagon, and now I’ve put into words some ideas for how I can think next time I fall off. And fall off I will, but I know the wagon will stop and wait for me.

There isn’t actually a wagon, after all, there’s just me.

Me, and my work in life.

Elliott Gore.